I look outside and see girls. Blonde haired, brown haired, they are just like me. They laugh and talk. I sit in my room, watching them pass as they look like me, but are nothing like me. I sit upstairs, at my desk, typing away, trying to think through this program. I listen to my music, while they listen to the wind and each other’s voices.
They are beautiful. Simple, but so much prettier than I am. I look down at my clothes and back at theirs. If I walked down stairs and out my door, they’d stare at me. My red shorts from soccer last fall, my all star’s shirt. I look like some girl that runs a lot, and likes it.
They will probably see me around the corner, but they won’t stop to get to know me. They already have each other, why add someone else? They are already perfect, why add someone who isn’t to their group of perfectness?
If you were in a group, and saw a girl or boy your age, watching you all alone, would you go over and introduce yourself? Or would you walk away?
Thinking about it now, even though I’m not part of anyone’s fancy groups, I know I probably wouldn’t. I’m already shy, already took me forever to befriend the friends I have, why ruin it by adding someone who looks so out of place? Why risk everything for someone who could be the one you should have met. That kid could have been one of your best friends. But you walked away.
Now I didn’t stop them, as they laughed their ways home for dinner. I didn’t introduce myself. Instead I watched from above as they walked farther away. Maybe they’ll come back one day, when I’m outside, and don’t have a choice but to say hi. Maybe someone will see me outside one day and the next they’ll come over. As they walk away, I don’t feel forgotten, abandon, but I do feel alone. So I turn my music up louder, listen to my best friend’s voice on my phone, asking for prayer. I spin in my non-spinning chair and hope I meet someone mighty soon. Can’t spend forever working on absolutely nothing.
I mean I could, but who would want to do that?